It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
