First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
