My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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