hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
