i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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