I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
