There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
