Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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