whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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