I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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