I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
