textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My life is pants optional.
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