I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
