This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
