You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
