Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
