youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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