So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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