now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My brain says no but my pants say off.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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