And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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