I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
