I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
