Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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