Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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