i just wanna soil my oats bro
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
