Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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