I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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