I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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