This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
