I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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