All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
