You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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