jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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