There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
