I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
