I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
