i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
