Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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