Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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