and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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