I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
honey bunches of taint.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
