One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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