I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
