so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
