yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
