Umm I'm too high to move.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
