when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
