Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
