She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
