you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
