i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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