Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
