No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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