i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
