dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Who died my cat blue again?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
