I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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